Encounter with Doctor Void, #1

Doctor Lloyd Void sat down and I quickly started peppering him with questions. It had been a long time since our last encounter.

He was mostly the same. A little stubble of a beard was noticeable. He still had most of his hair, although it was graying a bit more here and there. His dark eyes still lit up when he smiled and laughed that giggly, child-like laugh of his just like he always had.

He was definitely a sight for sore eyes but it immediately dawned on me that he seemed a bit plumper than I recalled. His typical Aloha shirt was unbuttoned, showing his bare and hairless chest and a round little belly that protruded and layered over the lap of his baggy khaki shorts. His belly definitely languished there a bit more than it did back in our younger days, I will say that. Yeah, but, hey, that’s not important here, and I should be the last one to point any fingers in that regard.

I can’t say I was all that curious to learn what he had actually experienced over the last decade or so, how he had gained his certain slice of notoriety and all that. In fact, my homework assignment was done and I was pretty sure I had that all figured out. I think I just really wanted to see if his initial responses matched what I already new or expected. I asked him to meet me in one of my favorite cafes, hidden in an alley just off a downtown street.

I laid my trap and waited, crouching behind a jungle of mundane questions, big leafy branches of inquisition interwoven with dead, thorny twigs of insinuation, looking for the opportunity to lunge forward at the first bold lie he would tell.

That is, after all, my way.

I nodded intently while he spoke, acting as if I was listening as he described all the unusual twists and turns he followed on his odd journey. In fact, I couldn’t have cared less and I don’t recall a word of what he said during that part of our encounter. It didn’t matter to me at all what kind of thick shit he thinks he may have suffered prior to our hasty meeting. He was now stepping into my world and I alone control the level of that muck.

Surprisingly, his lies were mild and veiled well, not worthy of note or attack, and soon the casual discussion turned to me, just as I had suddenly, spontaneously planned it.

“Very good, well, you see, Lloyd,” I began, “I’ve got this little problem. First, I must say, I really do appreciate you seeing me, you being so busy and all.”

“No, no, are you crazy? We’re friends, man. It’s great to see you again. Call me Doctor.”

“Now, Lloyd, err-umm, Doctor Lloyd, you know we were never really all that close. It’s just that I saw you were around and I thought, what the hell, it’d be nice to reunite for a bit, you know, have a few beers and chat and whatever.”

“Sure, sure, man, you know, it’s great.”

“Ok, well, back to my problem. See, I hate to bother you with this one, but I have really struggled with anything that resembles inspiration. With all your expertise in these matters, I was wondering, why do you think that is so?”

“Jesus Christ, man,” he laughed and squirmed in his chair for a moment. “Uhh, Jesus Christ! Do you mind if I smoke?”

“No, not at all, in fact, I was just getting ready to light up myself.”

“We can’t do this in California any more, ya know.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that. So …what do you really think here?”

“Well, man, Jesus Christ! Uhh … are you serious? I didn’t think we’d get into a session here.” He began fumbling with his pack of smokes.

“umm …yeah, I am … serious.”

“Oh, what, uh, ok then.” He lit his ciggy and began. “Well, dude, let’s face it, you’ve never been prone to tuning into this whole big wave of inspiration that swirls around us, ya know?”

He laughed loudly, took a deep puff and then leaned back in his chair.

“That’s it?”

He leaned forward again and pointed at me with his burning ciggy.

“OK, no, that’s not just it. No, seriously now, you treat inspiration like you’ve treated everything else in your life. You have no ambition or social skills, either. I know you. Sorry to say that, but it’s true.”

“Well, I sort of already knew that last part there, too, Lloyd,” I responded quickly with a bit of disgust. “I guess I just never caught the connection with inspiration, though.”

“Oh, yeah, man, it’s a cosmic deal and I really am a doctor. Now, listen to me, what’s the first thing you typically say when someone really gets ya, you know, when they really call you out, r-r-really stick it to ya?”

“Umm, well, I suppose I agree with them in some sort of subtle manner.”

“Absolutely! See? Now, next question, what do you typically respond with when someone gives you a compliment?”

“Fuck you!”

“See!” he grinned. “You could have done this all by yourself, man. You don’t need me.”

“But Lloyd, umm, Doc, what’s all that got to do with inspiration or my lack of it?”

“You don’t just lack it, man, you repulse it. You refuse to give into it, just like you do with all your other emotions.”

“Can I change?” I asked earnestly.

He started laughing uncontrollably, spittle and snot tossed about everywhere. He reached for the tail of his Aloha shirt to wipe his nose, stubbed out his ciggy on the floor and looked around. Finally, confident we were secure, he let me in on a little secret.

“Man, you’re not changing,” he whispered. “You can’t change any more than I can.”

“Ahh-ha,” I yelled, confident I had just found the edge of the entrance I had been so desperately seeking. “SO, you’re not so pleased as you outwardly seem either, eh, Mister Doctor man?”

“Are you kidding me? Look, shut up. I’ve done alright, I’ve got no complaints, but sometimes I wonder what the hell I did with my life. Just like you.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I squinted my eyes at him and nodded knowingly, “but at least I didn’t spend all my time wandering the desert in a Santa Suit, disguising myself in this way and that. Like you say, I am pretty much a known quantity.”

“Hey! Back off, pal! The Santa Suit thing, that was just a lark, something that you’re obviously incapable of understanding.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Dude, you NEVER enjoy yourself. You hardly ever laugh. I’ve spent my whole life laughing. See? I’m laughing right now! At you!”

He laughed.

Then he laughed some more.

Finally, I held up my hand to stop his giggling.

“Whatever, let’s get back on track here. What you’re saying is that because I am inhibited emotionally, I will never attract inspiration, is that correct? Do I understand that correctly?”

“No, you don’t understand it, you dip. What I said was that you deny your emotions. It doesn’t matter if it’s inspiration, compliments or personal attacks, you always react in the opposite way that everyone expects you to react. And you do that on purpose, damn you! You don’t struggle with inspiration any more than anyone else does. In fact, you have it all around you and you don’t even know it. Half the time you don’t see it only because you refuse to accept it. That is your way!”

With that, he once again silently leaned back in his chair.

I sat there motionless for some time, letting the depth of his accusation sink within my mind. I recall looking around occasionally, seeing he had lit another ciggy and ordered some vile green drink in a small glass while he waited, swirls of heavy smoke circling about the room, highlighted by refracting rainbow rays of the afternoon sun entering at an angle through the windows from outside on the street, the staccato cacophony of people walking, cars honking, and life going on in the bustling city all begging for a piece of my mind while I sat there, trying to think of what to say next.

Finally, he placed his empty glass on the table between us and rose from his chair.

“Gotta go, man,” he said quietly. “Got a flight to catch.”

Awaking from my temporary slumber I breathed deeply then responded.

“Yeah, it was great to see you again.”

“You, too.” He held out his hand and I noticed his eyes looked darker, redder and baggier than when he had first walked in. “See ya next time,” he offered.

“Right. Right. Take care, pal.”

Cheers,
Mb