Nixonian Moments

In August of 1973, Vice President Spiro T. Agnew said, “I am innocent of any wrongdoing.” A young lad I knew back then listened to that statement and believed it.

The young lad then listened to President Richard M. Nixon tell the world how he still supported his vice president. The young lad believed that, too.

Oh, back then, that young lad was what they call naïve.

When Agnew resigned in October of the same year, after pleading nolo contendere in federal court to various bribery charges, the young lad was rudely enlightened to the truth which hides behind fancy words. Suddenly, it seemed to the young lad, all the words he had spent so much time and effort learning up to that point changed in a big way.

They did not lose their meaning but simply reflected the opposite of their original intent. With this understanding, ‘yes’ was forever ‘no’ and ‘no’ was forever ‘yes’.

A month later, on November 17, 1973, a date which should live in infamy, the young lad listened closely as 400 Associated Press folks were told that President Nixon had not profited from public service.

"I have earned every cent. And in all of my years in public life I have never obstructed justice. People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook."

President Nixon, 11/73

It was somewhat comforting then for the young lad to learn a few months later, in April, 1974, that the White House announced Nixon would pay $432,787.13 in back taxes plus interest as a result of investigations into his finances.

This policy of using words with opposite intentions, thought the young lad, was a very effective tool, indeed. It seemed every time it was employed, it signaled that a nolo contendere truth was about to be unveiled. And Nixon and his particular crowd, the young lad noted, had mastered this policy with great effect.

What would life be like in this world where all spoken words only represented their opposite meanings? It was not known but, as time flowed on unflinchingly, the young lad grew to anxiously await the declarations of proud men. As each statement of opposite nature was spoken, the young lad dissected it, glorified it, and transcribed it for posterity in a small notebook he titled “Nixonian Moments in History.”

"Our government has a firm policy not to capitulate to terrorist demands... We did not—repeat, did not—trade weapons or anything else for hostages, nor will we.”

President Ronald Reagan, 12/86

A year later, in response to accusations that he really did know public funds were being secretly diverted during the Iran-Contra affair, President Ronald Reagan said, “I just didn’t know.”

Such brilliance, gushed the young lad! This journal entry reveals his joy: “How perfect, how succinct, how utterly Nixonian!”

When it came to words of opposite intention, the young lad then expected nothing less from a man called the Great Communicator. The young lad later noted that even if President George H.W. Bush was able to keep a straight face and say “No new taxes” without a waver in his voice, Reagan was still the King.

But the truth would be restrained and the big wheel of illusion kept on rolling.

Speaking to the media, President Bill Clinton’s voice did waver as he declared, “I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."

With a raised clenched fist, he went on: "I never told anyone to lie, not a single time, never. These allegations are false and I need to go back to work for the American people."

That was in January, 1998, and for some the era of words with opposite meanings was just beginning. To the lad, who by then was a young man already wet and weak with unclenched fists, it was more than just what “is is or isn’t” but it was at the same time all just more of the same game.

Honestly, though, even this young man who had devoted his adult life to the study of words with opposite meanings was not prepared for what would happen next.

“Again, I want to thank you all for -- and, Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job. The FEMA Director is working 24 -- (applause) -- they're working 24 hours a day.

Again, my attitude is, if it's not going exactly right, we're going to make it go exactly right. If there's problems, we're going to address the problems. And that's what I've come down to assure people of. And again, I want to thank everybody.

And I'm not looking forward to this trip. I got a feel for it when I flew over before. It -- for those who have not -- trying to conceive what we're talking about, it's as if the entire Gulf Coast were obliterated by a -- the worst kind of weapon you can imagine. And now we're going to go try to comfort people in that part of the world.

Thank you. (Applause.)”

Applause, indeed, wrote the young man in September, 2005. Applause, applause, applause! Every item covered, every truth befuddled, every word magically crucified and exposed for what it is.

Could it get any better?

Yes, there was still something lacking, thought the young man. It was no time to ease up.

In this critical period, we need more, he thought.

“Secretary Rumsfeld's energetic and steady leadership is exactly what is needed at this critical period," President George W. Bush said in a written statement in April, 2006.

Good. That was close! Could not have said it better myself, thought the young man.

Then, the Washington Post reported that during a recent news conference on Capitol Hill, when asked about the declining support for his Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Bush interjected: "He's got support from me."

How strange! How oddly indirect and passive!

Yet, the now old man cautiously entered that quote into the last page of Nixonian Moments and closed the book. ‘We have now come full circle,’ he thought to himself.

Gonzales is doomed and Nixon would be proud.

On the death of Nixon, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson offered the following dispatch:

“Some people will say that words like scum and rotten are wrong for Objective Journalism--which is true, but they miss the point. It was the built-in blind spots of the Objective rules and dogma that allowed Nixon to slither into the White House in the first place. He looked so good on paper that you could almost vote for him sight unseen. He seemed so all-American, so much like Horatio Alger, that he was able to slip through the cracks of Objective Journalism. You had to get Subjective to see Nixon clearly, and the shock of recognition was often painful.”

Yeah, thought the old man, the Doctor was right about that. When judging words with opposite meanings, a Subjective approach is absolutely necessary. The “built-in blind spots” of Objectivity prevent us from acknowledging the illusory content of unintended meaning. The ultimate and intoxicating nolo contendere result is only possible in the minds of people who are led by the nose to drink from the stagnant waters of a frothy subjective analysis.

Here, as the old man sadly noted in his last chapter, we may have a democratic republic still inebriated if not suffering a wickedly enduring hangover from the final words of one dark gatekeeper of the curiously subjective, words which may never be overshadowed in their ironic tribute to the truth in opposite meanings:

“There is one cause above all to which I have been devoted and to which I shall always be devoted for as long as I live.

When I first took the oath of office as President 5 1/2 years ago, I made this sacred commitment, to ‘consecrate my office, my energies, and all the wisdom I can summon to the cause of peace among nations.’

I have done my very best in all the days since to be true to that pledge. As a result of these efforts, I am confident that the world is a safer place today, not only for the people of America but for the people of all nations, and that all of our children have a better chance than before of living in peace rather than dying in war.

This, more than anything, is what I hoped to achieve when I sought the Presidency. This, more than anything, is what I hope will be my legacy to you, to our country, as I leave the Presidency.

To have served in this office is to have felt a very personal sense of kinship with each and every American. In leaving it, I do so with this prayer: May God's grace be with you in all the days ahead.”

The resignation speech of Richard M. Nixon, 8/8/74

Cheers,

Mb