The Blue Rogue

If this were the People’s Republic of China, we’d just throw them in prison like Zhao Yan.

Zhao is now all but convicted of fraud and leaking state secrets in Beijing. (Makes me wonder how the Chinese government separates charges like these. Did he lie when he told these secrets or were the secrets all lies to begin with?)

Oh, sorry, by “them”, I mean the members of the press. Especially the ones who ask biting questions of our leaders, questions that may have a threatening, disrespectful tone to the ears of our genteel, elite and powerful class.

Now, if the PRC was more like Nepal, then they wouldn’t just pick at the problem like they do in Beijing. Instead, they would outlaw all journalists who are not members of the government’s own trusted team. Outlaw them, you know, and then beat them up a bit with batons just to get their attention. You would think that would be a pretty effective one-two punch to stop the incessant questioning of government policy.

Strange that it doesn’t really do that.

Complete suppression may have some odd motivational qualities but it does offer some of the desired effect. Speaking on the situation in Nepal, Christopher Warren, president of the International Federation of Journalists, says, “It is unacceptable to treat independent media and journalists as the enemy and not as independent observers.”

See, I guess ya gotta be careful what ya say about Nepal, but if you read his words carefully then you might get the impression that he’s sorta pissed off about the deal there. I don’t think he’s too happy with things down in Nepal at all … as they fall … off the wall … with such gall.

Hmmm … thank you, it’s so nice to be King.

But back in the PRC, according to a recent AP story, the battle against nosy journalists is slowly being won. They now have over 40 journalisitic snoops and snitches locked up and silenced. They muzzled another one, Yang Xiaoqing, just the other day for writing about corruption.

Again those nosy people at AP reported that outside the courtroom some Chinese citizens protested Yang’s sentence. It’s said that one protestor held a sign which read, “Corrupt officials should not bully reporters and the people!”

(Hey, hold on a minute. Think about what the AP reported here. What kind of guts does it take to publicly protest anything in a Communist country? I salute you, unknown Chinese protesting citizen! You got some balls, man!)

Well, anyway, that, as they say down in Texas, is some lousy PR work there, boys. The PRC might learn a few things from the good ol’ USA on this one. We deal with this kinda shit all the time around here, although we tell ourselves we do it more conservatively and with a bit more compassion. Short of jail time and physical assault, there are several approved American methods for stifling rude inquisitors.

One of the first rules on how to squelch any rude questions in the USA is to cherry-pick the audience. This helps keep the rally upbeat and the presentation on message. Deny them access and they won’t have the opportunity to ask offensive questions. If the audience becomes disruptive, gavel the meeting to an end quickly.

Quite unfairly, I think, our current President gets a bad rap for over-employing this tactic. By my count, presidential administrations have been busy staging and spinning public debates ever since antique TV cameras detected the first bubble of sweat that formed on Richard Nixon’s upper lip.

As a current example, the Governor of Missouri recently held a little office party in Columbia to celebrate his signing of a state bill that requires all potential voters to present a government-issued photo id at the poll booth. The Kansas City Star reported one aspect of the grand event this way:

Illustrating the fierce partisan sparring over the bill, Blunt's staff prevented a Carnahan staff member and a Democratic activist from attending the bill signing in the governor's office. Spokesman Spence Jackson said such events are limited to the media and invited guests "to keep the process free of disruptions."

The banned Democratic activist, Roy Temple, considers himself a self-styled “journalist” to some degree and maintains this fiery website:

http://www.firedupmissouri.com/

If you wish, you can read his fired up version of events there. You can also read on that website precisely why Roy Temple is not all that welcome in the Governor’s office. (By my reading, Mr. Temple is far more a political operative rather than an independent reporter, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that his take on the photo id issue is definitely not in line with the Governor’s so he was not allowed to interrupt the party.)

See how it works? Hey China, hey Nepal, check it out, dudes! You don’t need to bash their head in or toss them in prison. Do it the USA way and just shut the damn door! It’s not arrogant or smug to grab them by the arm and walk them out of the office if you do it smartly. Only let the Yes Men and the Gravy Train Riders snake their way through the front entrance. That will keep your “process” moving and “free of disruptions”.

And when you put it that way, who is going to deny you the ability to free your processes of disruption? Even the coldest capitalist, the most cynical Chairmen of the Boards among us can understand the desire to inject a vague reference to “freedom” in any justification for suppression of opposing opinion. That’s not arrogance, that’s some sweet international music to our freedom loving ears.

I’ll tell you what’s arrogant. The other night at the dinner table, The Wife asked about the purchase of the Blue Rogue. She knew what she was doing and I could tell immediately that she had a partisan agenda to her question.

I tried to explain, yes, the Blue Rogue is an expensive fishing lure but one that was deemed absolutely necessary for my most recent excursion into the Indian Nation. Besides, I said, all purchases for that trip were approved and funded long before the event ever occurred. This was not the time to go back over all of that. We had to stay the course and would she please pass the gravy.

Then she asked, “So, did you use it?”

See, she knew damn well that the Blue Rogue never saw the light of day, it had remained in its protective wrapping, secured in my tackle box throughout the entire trip. She had probably been snooping around in the garage after I got back and found it in the box, pristine as the day I bought it.

You don’t understand, I countered, the Blue Rogue doesn’t need to be actually “used” to be effective. The fish know when it’s in the boat. They can sense it. If one simply touches it or dangles it threateningly near the water, the fish know they are in for some big trouble. That makes fishing with other, less powerful lures all the more successful.

Then the real nagging began. Hey, all I know is, I was trying to have dinner and it was impossible for me to keep that “process” free of disruption while she was carrying on.

For a moment, I considered revoking her dinner pass.

See, back closer to home, I read that Kansas City Royals officials recently revoked the press credentials for a couple of sports talk radio personalities who dared to ask rude questions to the owner during a press conference that was planned to introduce the new general manager. (Oh, dear reader, rest assured, I am aware just how confused and irritated you are by all of this Royals banter so I will not describe to you all the petty details behind this scene. You may thank me later.)

In the end, according to the Royals website, team officials and other unnamed audience members were offended by the “uncivil tone” invoked by the affected reporters during the conference.

Believe me, I know what they are talking about there. And that kind of tactic, taking away their creds, preventing them from even getting past the parking lot, that is old school to me. No access, no job, no paycheck, asking fool questions will get you in some deep trouble. How you going to pay your rent, pal? Communist countries and backwater dictatorships, listen up! That is how we do it in Middle America, baby.

But, Nepal and China, I tell you this in all sincerity, there is bit of a unique problem with this tactic of barring the curious, intrusive press from your dinner, news conferences or bill signing extravaganzas. If I did ban The Wife from the dinner table, she would probably stand outside the house with a sign that read, “Stupid husbands should not bully nagging wives!”

See, it sorta makes YOU look like a bad guy, a bully, a guy who is hiding something, a guy who doesn’t want something dirty to come clean via public speculation or among members of the press. So, for that, I can understand why your first instinct is to jail them quickly or bash their heads in a little bit, you know, to save face and all that.

Really, the best option may be to take YOU out of the equation. It may be better to make the situation a little less personal, in my opinion. Gently and subtly push the thrust of any unwanted inquisition into someone else’s corner. If you’ve got some bad stuff in your pocket, wait a few days, let the fog of indecision and worry clear up a bit, then hire an experienced PR guy or simply find a good friend to deal with all those who wish to shackle your freedom from disruption.

After sprinkling the dust of doubt here and there, go on TV and explain your heartfelt regret about any mistakes that were made. I tell you, whether it’s leaked state secrets, shooting an old hunting buddy, or just blasting a hot round into your own foot, this is a more acceptable, more refined, and more modern way to keep the hounds of the press at bay.

So, when The Wife kept pressing on the subject, with my dinner cold and ruined, I had no choice but to say, “Honey, I didn’t even want the Blue Rogue! Dan made me buy it.”

That shut her up for a while, long enough for me to finish my dinner and I didn’t even have to threaten her with jail time.

Word to the wise, China and Nepal, you guys may want to get your own Blue Rogue. You can blame me, if you do.

Cheers,

Mb