Hot Buttons

From the desk of The Chairman, re: Hot Button Issues of The Day

To: ALL

Salutations and so forth …

Recent BBC report: “A move to provide free internet access to native Indian tribes to help protect the Amazon rainforest from illegal logging has been announced in Brazil.”

Astounding news! Amazing technology! Curious, and I’m still attempting to decipher the meaning of those words, but I don’t think it’s a joke. Could be some sort of South American prank but I don’t think so. (Please have someone, anyone, read the full report and notify our agent in Rio that me and The Wife will be visiting/inspecting again this spring … umm … standard rules of engagement, and so on.)

But it is as if very few folks are in a laughing mood right now, anyway. This new year is about a third of the way through already and, up until now, the annual theme seems to hinge on an agonizing list of “non-binding resolutions” piling up in the Out Box.

Well, I agree, it is all very confusing, it has little to do with our bottom line and there’s no time for laughter. We have too much work to do. Allow me to briefly recap.

For example, I see here this note that we need some new laws. Indications are the old ones aren’t doing their job. From the Seven Deadly Sins to the Twelve Commandments, nobody -- nobody – seems to be paying any attention.

Murder? Oh, that’s a good one. That’s a perfectly written law, another Thou Shalt Not declaration which seems to make sense and one that’s been in the books for a long time. Yes, it can be mitigated to lesser crimes like manslaughter and justifiable homicide but, to my recollection, the rule generally states that if you kill a person then you must be punished in some way.

Maybe PR should spin up on that again. I hope it comes as no surprise to anyone.

It seems so simple, I am not suggesting that law is bad and I’m sure the punishment comes in more forms than just one. But I agree, maybe it just needs a little selective reinforcement. I always thought that laws of the land were written to codify the most beneficial desires of society, OUR society. Perhaps, judging an earthly society of mankind which appears so intent on killing each other off in one way or another or so determined to destroy its natural environment, the language of the laws should be restated to reflect the truth of the matter. It’s almost as if it might be better to just go ahead and say the law only applies to those under the law, excepting those who are above it from any unduly or rude concern.

(Please contact our Legal Dept. on this subject; I need to speak with someone, anyone, down there.)

“What is the point,” to paraphrase Missus Secretary of State, “what is the point of having it if you don’t use it?”

Well, she was talking about something different but that is my point exactly.

Maybe murder is such an inbred condition of man that only those who are held below the demarcation line of purchased discipline and knowledge should ever be held accountable. We can’t expect the cautious caretakers to be responsible for the indiscrete actions of their humble servants. We, the ruling class, do not drive or take the bus to work. We tele-commute or are chauffeured. To my recollection, the moneyed elite do not cook their own meals, they are served their feasts. Our corporate leaders do not wallow in dim, smoky bars watching televised sporting events, they attend lavish galas and calmly observe the game from posh executive suites. These are honest expectations of the status we hold in the community.

I am a firm believer that all should be judged by a jury of self-righteous peers and holding the elite to the same standards as the underprivileged just doesn’t seem fair.

What’s this? Abortion, gay marriage and gun control? Who put this in here? Hot button issues to some, perhaps quick and easy political choices to others, but humdrum concerns to only those hungry fish who swim just below the thermo layer of privilege, those who will never sense the warm enlightenment of a sun created to shine upon them. Fun topics to chat about with your neighbor across the rustic picket fence, I suppose, but murky issues for our suntanned elite to casually ignore. Please!

Universal health care and education? Aha! Finally some good news! These may only be pipe dreams for the destitute and the working class but beneficial tools already bequeathed by the corpulent fathers of fortunate sons and rightfully so. We know about this. At least a few of our many earned these rights and we can and should take some pride in that!

Ehhh … The environment? The ENVIRONMENT? This is where I draw the line, folks. The environment is a resource to be managed and programmed for steady future growth. A diet of pristine beauty that once existed can be fed to the ignorant masses but all the laws must be changed immediately if not sooner to reflect the interests of the shareholders. As a result, I regret to inform you all that one day the water may be colored orange and the trees may be burnt black. But fear not, the sky will always be blue somewhere. Think nothing more of it.

(Those jokers at Legal … are they in today or not?)

Well, that really only leaves me two notes to consider: taxes and a balanced-budget.

Please, people, pay your taxes and pay them on time. I don’t really think I need to remind you that Accounting has done a heck of a job trimming the fat. I see some concern about where the money is all going, indictments regarding certain flamboyant expenditures and so on, but trust me, it all goes to serve your better interests. And if any of you think that I’m going to answer another 2 AM phone call and be driven in to bail you out, well, you’re wrong. I am not doing that again! Word to the wise, you know. As to the balance of things, well, until we see some improvement in the numbers (SALES! ARE YOU LISTENING?) or until the planned takeover in Austria goes through, we will be subsisting on credit for some time to come. So, be prepared to operate under austere conditions, limited funding for future programs, and so on, and so on.

Umm … of course, it’s all very non-binding, to be sure … hope this finds you all well … looking forward to the annual roundup in Houston this fall … warmest regards … The Chairman, etc, etc.

Cheers,

Mb