Book of Rules

After a few late-night toddies, things get clearer to me for some strange reason. Among other (expletive deleted) things, I realize tonight that The Wife often calls me “Mr. Rulebook” for a good reason. It is true, I have lots of rules and I generally try to abide by them. Over time, the list of rules has grown longer.

I'm sure you've heard some of these rules before. Perhaps you've even followed a few of them. Maybe you just need a reminder every now and then.

But, here ya go. Without any further explanation, I will now pass a few of Bamboo's Rules on to you. Feel free to call me out if you wish to quibble or disagree.

In no specific order:

Rule: Never say never but never hold a grudge and never do what other people want you to do.

Rule: Amsterdam, New York City, Athens, Sturgis and New Orleans...places like these, don't ask why, just drop everything else and go when able.

Rule: Don't ask and you will learn; don't wish for heaven and you will go there; dishonest ambition and earthly desire distort the balanced beauty of simple truths.

Rule: If you say you are an Independent, then always vote Democrat...if you can't vote Democrat, then don't even bother to vote.

Rule: Say “I love you” often but only to those who you truly do love.

Rule: Don't do shit that you don't really want to do...if you don't know what to do, wait and wait some more and eventually you will do the right thing.

Rule: Know yourself and be honest about it; don't try to be someone you're not.

Rule: Assume every day is your last day on this earth...assume every human act is final, there's nothing after this life, no chance for redemption, no paranormal path to greater awareness...assume the same for your family and closest friends.

Rule: Avoid improper or unethical charity; give whatever you can to others but don't expect or ask for anything in return.

Rule: Don't ask for celebrity autographs...offer to shake hands instead.

Rule: Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Never take wooden nickles from a gift horse. Don't you stick your arm up a gift horse's ass but if you do then by all means never turn your back on a gift horse. In fact, I recommend avoiding gift horses altogether. They are nothing but trouble.

Rule: Humility is the most advanced human virtue; shut up and listen to what other people say...you can't help but hear how foolish you really are.

Rule: Nothing in this world is more important to all of mankind than a peaceful afternoon nap.

Rule: Think ahead; plan on doing what you say you're going to do or don't even say it.

Rule: Figure out some way to backup your computer files...if you blow off all the rest of this stuff, trust me on that one.

I think that's enough for now.

Cheers,
Mb